uncool
Must Reads from Viviane and Dacia
Via Viviane's Sex Carnival:
An important member of the sex-positive community
urgently needs our help.
Jefferson—blogger, educator, and dear friend to so many of us—is at this moment fighting a court battle with his ex-wife, who is seeking full custody of their three children.
Jefferson’s love for his children has been well-documented on his blog One Life, Take Two for years. His ex-wife has stated in court that he is a “great” father who loves his children.
However, among her claims is that his bisexuality makes him an unfit parent.
Audacia Ray's also weighed in on the subject - knowing Jefferson personally, she discusses her discomfort with this cause:
It's a very brave post from Dacia and I really admire her for it.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
A WI Guide to Brothels
[images from the Channel 4 website apart from the murdered Ipswich prostitutes, which came from Ellee Seymour's blog and BBC's Jam & Jerusalem, which came from The Guardian]
On 3rd August Channel 4 broadcasted "A WI Guide to Brothels". I thought I'd blog about it so those of you who couldn't watch it could see what it was all about.Here's how the programme was described by Channel 4:
The Women’s Institute was formed in 1915 with two clear aims: to revitalise rural communities and to encourage women to become more involved in producing food during the First World War. Since then our aims have broadened and we are now the largest women’s organisation in the UK. We celebrated our 90th anniversary in 2005 and currently have 205,000 members in 6,800 WIs.
We play a unique role in providing women with educational opportunities and the chance to build new skills, to take part in a wide variety of activities and to campaign on issues that matter to them and their communities.It is the Hampshire Federation of Women’s Institutes who are calling for the legalisation of brothels, not the National Federation of Women’s Institutes. Here is the statement from the NFWI.
The WI have a reputation for being quite twee, and this plus the fact that the group advocating this change in law are from the Home Counties (Middle England - middle both geographically and politically) was rather played upon by Channel 4. I'll write about that in a minute, but it's worth mentioning here whilst I'm giving this run down. There was a programme by Jennifer Saunders (as in French & Saunders) based on the WI called "Jam and Jerusalem" (Wiki has a better description here) which sort of gives you an idea of their stereotype and explains why people would assume they are, as C4 says, "unlikely champions". Nevertheless, the WI have enormous clout in England, and as people keep saying - if anyone can do this, make brothels legal then the WI can.
This initiative began following the murders of five prostitutes in Ipswich, Anneli Alderton, Paula Clennell, Gemma Adams, Tania Nicol and Annette Nicholls, by the "Suffolk Strangler" Steve Wright in November and December 2006. According to the Daily Mail,
Jean raised the subject at a meeting of her local WI in the village of Holybourne, Hampshire.
'These girls were from all stratas of society,' she says. 'They were somebody's daughters, somebody's grand-daughters and somebody's sisters.
'If it could happen to them, it could happen to anyone. My concern was that if women were to work as prostitutes - and there will always be prostitution - then they should be able to do so in safety. I wanted to get prostitutes off the streets, where they have no protection. My fellow members agreed with me.
'Our feeling was that the best way forward was for prostitution to be decriminalised and then work out a way of licensing brothels.
'Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning prostitution, but you have to be realistic.'
The branch made the licensing of brothels the subject of its motion for debate at the autumn meeting of the WI's Hampshire Federation, which has 6,000 members. The motion received almost unanimous backing. This "realistic" attitude was reflected in the programme. The WI are not being "sex positive" and I don't know how many "condone" prostitution and how many don't, that simply wasn't the point. Feminism and ethics were not referred to at all in the programme to my recollection, there were no theoretical discussions. The point was to deal with the problems sex workers on the street face.
The programme was divided between WI ladies Jean and Shirley abroad looking at brothels in Amsterdam, Nervada and New Zealand whilst presenter Nicky Taylor looks at illegal brothels in the UK.
With regard to the UK - at this point I'll just quote myself from an email to Amber Rhea:
What else.... well, I cannot for the life of me see how anyone could watch it and still be against legalising brothels. I mean, the brothels in the UK are in some right shit holes. They are dirty and seedy and in horrible areas which reinforces the idea that the profession itself is like that. That said, the WI [I meant the presenter, Nicky Taylor] asked random people on the street if they thought brothels should be legalised and more or less everyone said yes. The whole point was that at the end of the day these women are vulnerable and need to be protected.
They interviewed some women. The UK lot had strong regional accents (I understand from a language prof. in the US that strong regional accents don't really mean anything and most of you have them but it's your grammar that shows your 'class' as it were? Is that right, did I get that right? Cos in the UK a strong regional accent means you're common and people think you're not so bright.) Also, it showed how unsafe the UK lot are. Also, they made a point of saying that in a brothel in Essex the police had fitted all their panic buttons in the rooms and popped by regularly to see if everything was ok.As I say, it was very clear from a look at the UK brothels and a short walk around some of the streets just how much there is a need to address this issue; regardless of whether or not prostitution is "right" or "wrong" right now it's sex workers rights that is of importance, not whether or not *you* agree with it.
Whilst Nicky looked around parts of the UK, Jean and Shirley were travelling the world to find the "perfect brothel". They were inexperienced, which Channel 4 made a bit of a feature of right at the beginning. The Independent writes -
"Can you give me some information about the Ass Midget?" asked Jean, in cut-glass tones. Jean is holding a twelve-inch black plastic garden gnome and the proprietor of the Amsterdam sex shop she's standing in is eager to help. "People like to stick it up their arse," he explained, which, judging from the look on Jean's face and the speed with which she returned the item to the rack, was rather more information than she was bargaining for.Whilst Jean and Shirley may have been inexperienced, the point was they were doing their research. They were very genuine, very kind women who cared a great deal about keeping sex workers on the street safe. Perhaps some people might have bristled when they referred to the women as "girls"; I, however, didn't read a great deal into it. I think either they said "girls" because the women are so vulnerable or simply because they're a lot older (I'm referred to as "girl", or on more than one ocassion "the girl" by older ladies in the village and it doesn't mean any disrespect).
Another good point about the programme was that it did emphasise that legalisation wouldn't end the exploitation. For example, in one country (I think the US) one brothel owner took 50% of the women's earnings.
The bad points about the programme? Well, I'll quote myself to Amber again -
As for the programme. It was kind of embarrassing. The presenter was trying to sex it up a bit and the makers emphasised the WI as being "ladies" with even the genteel music as backing which would turn into Grime, Rap or Dance when the sex workers came on. I mean, I know a few in the WI and they won't really thank you for calling them "ladies". Well, our lot in the village wouldn't. The presenter also tried working on a sex line and one call she was in fits reading out lines from a script. She did my head in, to be honest.
They didn't really pay much attention to the clients. One of the UK sex workers said she was against making clients criminals cos it drove them away. Really, what they said about johns was neither nowt nor summit.
The whole thing would have been good as a series, all you got was a superficial look, but nevertheless what the WI had to say was good and it was clear. Really, the programme was just another example of Channel Four fucking up again! Actually, no, that's harsh, it wasn't that bad at all. Would have liked to see BBC1 or BBC2 do it. Channel Four over here is kind of supposed to be an "alternative" channel, I think if the BBC had done it it would have been taken more seriously, especially as the BBC is seen generally to be quite pro-government. I think they would have emphasised the risk street workers in the UK faced and not camped it up, which is what I felt the presenter did. And yeah - the music thing was pretty annoying as I've said.
Hats off to the WI though. They really researched the thing. I think Channel 4 wanted them to come across as all Jam and Jerusalem and play on the culture difference.So that's my synopsis! I think all in all it was good, although Channel 4 cocked it up it didn't detract from the message the WI were trying to get across. And, as I say, if anyone can do this it's the WI.
On 3rd August Channel 4 broadcasted "A WI Guide to Brothels". I thought I'd blog about it so those of you who couldn't watch it could see what it was all about.Here's how the programme was described by Channel 4:
Last year Middle England met the sex trade head-on when the Hampshire WI emerged as an unlikely champion of the reform of prostitution laws and members Jean Johnson and Shirley Landels led their 7,000-strong membership to advocate the legalisation of brothels in Britain.
Now investigative journalist Nicky Taylor joins forces with the ladies of the Hampshire WI on a journey to find out what makes a best practice brothel, how the laws need to change to create it and whether it's possible to set up the UK's first legal brothel.
Jean and Shirley embark on a global mission to investigate the effects that the laws elsewhere have on prostitution. In Amsterdam they experience what it feels like to work in a window brothel; they continue their search for brothel nirvana by joining the line-up in one of Nevada's licensed sex ranches; and experience the luxury of an upmarket self-run prostitution co-op in New Zealand.
Meanwhile back at home Nicky immerses herself in the industry to experience the reality of life for women working on the streets and in an illegal brothel, to see for herself how vulnerable are the lives of the 12,000 sex workers in the UK. She works on an X-rated phone line, talks to lap dancers in licensed clubs, lends a helping hand as a prostitute's maid and causes a stir by posing as a prostitute in a Winchester shop window.
Finally, armed with their newly-acquired sex education, Jean and Shirley return home where they are reunited with Nicky. Together they create and road-test their version of the perfect brothel on the streets of Hampshire before taking it to Westminster and Downing Street.
The WI, or Women's Institute is an organisation for women who live in villages: the Women's Guild is it's town equivalent:The Women’s Institute was formed in 1915 with two clear aims: to revitalise rural communities and to encourage women to become more involved in producing food during the First World War. Since then our aims have broadened and we are now the largest women’s organisation in the UK. We celebrated our 90th anniversary in 2005 and currently have 205,000 members in 6,800 WIs.
We play a unique role in providing women with educational opportunities and the chance to build new skills, to take part in a wide variety of activities and to campaign on issues that matter to them and their communities.It is the Hampshire Federation of Women’s Institutes who are calling for the legalisation of brothels, not the National Federation of Women’s Institutes. Here is the statement from the NFWI.
The WI have a reputation for being quite twee, and this plus the fact that the group advocating this change in law are from the Home Counties (Middle England - middle both geographically and politically) was rather played upon by Channel 4. I'll write about that in a minute, but it's worth mentioning here whilst I'm giving this run down. There was a programme by Jennifer Saunders (as in French & Saunders) based on the WI called "Jam and Jerusalem" (Wiki has a better description here) which sort of gives you an idea of their stereotype and explains why people would assume they are, as C4 says, "unlikely champions". Nevertheless, the WI have enormous clout in England, and as people keep saying - if anyone can do this, make brothels legal then the WI can.
This initiative began following the murders of five prostitutes in Ipswich, Anneli Alderton, Paula Clennell, Gemma Adams, Tania Nicol and Annette Nicholls, by the "Suffolk Strangler" Steve Wright in November and December 2006. According to the Daily Mail,
Jean raised the subject at a meeting of her local WI in the village of Holybourne, Hampshire.
'These girls were from all stratas of society,' she says. 'They were somebody's daughters, somebody's grand-daughters and somebody's sisters.
'If it could happen to them, it could happen to anyone. My concern was that if women were to work as prostitutes - and there will always be prostitution - then they should be able to do so in safety. I wanted to get prostitutes off the streets, where they have no protection. My fellow members agreed with me.
'Our feeling was that the best way forward was for prostitution to be decriminalised and then work out a way of licensing brothels.
'Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning prostitution, but you have to be realistic.'
The branch made the licensing of brothels the subject of its motion for debate at the autumn meeting of the WI's Hampshire Federation, which has 6,000 members. The motion received almost unanimous backing. This "realistic" attitude was reflected in the programme. The WI are not being "sex positive" and I don't know how many "condone" prostitution and how many don't, that simply wasn't the point. Feminism and ethics were not referred to at all in the programme to my recollection, there were no theoretical discussions. The point was to deal with the problems sex workers on the street face.
The programme was divided between WI ladies Jean and Shirley abroad looking at brothels in Amsterdam, Nervada and New Zealand whilst presenter Nicky Taylor looks at illegal brothels in the UK.
With regard to the UK - at this point I'll just quote myself from an email to Amber Rhea:
What else.... well, I cannot for the life of me see how anyone could watch it and still be against legalising brothels. I mean, the brothels in the UK are in some right shit holes. They are dirty and seedy and in horrible areas which reinforces the idea that the profession itself is like that. That said, the WI [I meant the presenter, Nicky Taylor] asked random people on the street if they thought brothels should be legalised and more or less everyone said yes. The whole point was that at the end of the day these women are vulnerable and need to be protected.
They interviewed some women. The UK lot had strong regional accents (I understand from a language prof. in the US that strong regional accents don't really mean anything and most of you have them but it's your grammar that shows your 'class' as it were? Is that right, did I get that right? Cos in the UK a strong regional accent means you're common and people think you're not so bright.) Also, it showed how unsafe the UK lot are. Also, they made a point of saying that in a brothel in Essex the police had fitted all their panic buttons in the rooms and popped by regularly to see if everything was ok.As I say, it was very clear from a look at the UK brothels and a short walk around some of the streets just how much there is a need to address this issue; regardless of whether or not prostitution is "right" or "wrong" right now it's sex workers rights that is of importance, not whether or not *you* agree with it.
Whilst Nicky looked around parts of the UK, Jean and Shirley were travelling the world to find the "perfect brothel". They were inexperienced, which Channel 4 made a bit of a feature of right at the beginning. The Independent writes -
"Can you give me some information about the Ass Midget?" asked Jean, in cut-glass tones. Jean is holding a twelve-inch black plastic garden gnome and the proprietor of the Amsterdam sex shop she's standing in is eager to help. "People like to stick it up their arse," he explained, which, judging from the look on Jean's face and the speed with which she returned the item to the rack, was rather more information than she was bargaining for.Whilst Jean and Shirley may have been inexperienced, the point was they were doing their research. They were very genuine, very kind women who cared a great deal about keeping sex workers on the street safe. Perhaps some people might have bristled when they referred to the women as "girls"; I, however, didn't read a great deal into it. I think either they said "girls" because the women are so vulnerable or simply because they're a lot older (I'm referred to as "girl", or on more than one ocassion "the girl" by older ladies in the village and it doesn't mean any disrespect).
Another good point about the programme was that it did emphasise that legalisation wouldn't end the exploitation. For example, in one country (I think the US) one brothel owner took 50% of the women's earnings.
The bad points about the programme? Well, I'll quote myself to Amber again -
As for the programme. It was kind of embarrassing. The presenter was trying to sex it up a bit and the makers emphasised the WI as being "ladies" with even the genteel music as backing which would turn into Grime, Rap or Dance when the sex workers came on. I mean, I know a few in the WI and they won't really thank you for calling them "ladies". Well, our lot in the village wouldn't. The presenter also tried working on a sex line and one call she was in fits reading out lines from a script. She did my head in, to be honest.
They didn't really pay much attention to the clients. One of the UK sex workers said she was against making clients criminals cos it drove them away. Really, what they said about johns was neither nowt nor summit.
The whole thing would have been good as a series, all you got was a superficial look, but nevertheless what the WI had to say was good and it was clear. Really, the programme was just another example of Channel Four fucking up again! Actually, no, that's harsh, it wasn't that bad at all. Would have liked to see BBC1 or BBC2 do it. Channel Four over here is kind of supposed to be an "alternative" channel, I think if the BBC had done it it would have been taken more seriously, especially as the BBC is seen generally to be quite pro-government. I think they would have emphasised the risk street workers in the UK faced and not camped it up, which is what I felt the presenter did. And yeah - the music thing was pretty annoying as I've said.
Hats off to the WI though. They really researched the thing. I think Channel 4 wanted them to come across as all Jam and Jerusalem and play on the culture difference.So that's my synopsis! I think all in all it was good, although Channel 4 cocked it up it didn't detract from the message the WI were trying to get across. And, as I say, if anyone can do this it's the WI.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
"he thought he'd 'killed it'"
"killed it" those are the words of the killer of Angie Zapata, an 18 year old transsexual.
From Pink News:
Outside of the common denominator that they're [Ebony Whitaker, Saneshia Stewart, Simmie Williams and Angie Zapata] all transwomen of color, the other thing they had in common is that all these transwomen were under age 30. Two of the four, Saneshia Stewart and Angie Zapata were killed by people they were out on dates with....
I know that my young transsisters are no different than young biowomen in many ways. Like young biowomen, some of my transsisters not only are attractive and stunningly so in some cases, they have no problem garnering the attention of the opposite sex. They also want to test their ability to attract their attention and wish to explore their blossoming feminine sexuality as well.This to me was so poignant; these are young women like any other exploring their sexual identity and the absolute danger they face in doing so is icredibly distrubing. And I mean "danger", not risk, not mere possibility - transwomen face a very real danger merely by doing what is natural. The New York Times wrote,
“One time she came home crying saying, ‘Why, Monica, why won’t people accept me?’” Monica Zapata said. “All my sister wanted was somebody who would take her down the street and be proud of who she was.”As Kelly Costello, Director of Victim Services for the Colorado Anti-Violence Program, said -
"A lot of times transwomen, specifically transwomen of color are targeted for multiple reasons regarding various identities, transgender identity being one of them. A hate crime like this serves to intimidate and disrupt an entire community. No one should ever live their lives in fear and intimidation, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity."
Andrade's (Angie's killer defense)? "Transpanic", which Denver Gay Examiner describes as "using her gender identity in an attempt to justify his heinous, inexcusable actions." It was Angie's fault, in short. She scared him. Not his bigotry, ignorance or inhumane cruelty, but her; the 18 year old lass freaked him out. Defies belief.
For a full round up see Lisa.
From Pink News:
Andrade told police that he met Zapata on July 15 for a one-time sexual encounter through social networking site MocoSpace.
Andrade reportedly discovered Zapata's male genitalia the next day after seeing photographs around the apartment, becoming suspicious, and forcibly grabbing her crotch after her insistence that she was "all woman."
Andrade then hit Zapata twice in the head with a fire extinguisher after striking her with his fists.
While cleaning the scene for evidence, Andrade told police that, though he thought he'd "killed it," Zapata tried to sit up.
He then struck her a third time with the fire extinguisher and also took her purse, keys and phone before fleeing in her 2003 Chrysler PT Cruiser.
This account absolutely chilled me. I don't blog about transsexual issues simply because I'm still trying to educate myself by reading other women's blogs - so far I've stayed silent, but when I read, "Andrade told police that, though he thought he'd "killed it," Zapata tried to sit up" I literally went cold. Not a human being, not a person, not a woman. An "it". I mean, what the fuck? Deliberately dehumanising someone to excuse prejudice and bigotry. That transwomen face that shit every day of their lives boggles the mind.
I read very recently (a few days or so ago) advice from Monica Roberts of TransGriot regarding safety when dating and was struck by these paragraphs -Outside of the common denominator that they're [Ebony Whitaker, Saneshia Stewart, Simmie Williams and Angie Zapata] all transwomen of color, the other thing they had in common is that all these transwomen were under age 30. Two of the four, Saneshia Stewart and Angie Zapata were killed by people they were out on dates with....
I know that my young transsisters are no different than young biowomen in many ways. Like young biowomen, some of my transsisters not only are attractive and stunningly so in some cases, they have no problem garnering the attention of the opposite sex. They also want to test their ability to attract their attention and wish to explore their blossoming feminine sexuality as well.This to me was so poignant; these are young women like any other exploring their sexual identity and the absolute danger they face in doing so is icredibly distrubing. And I mean "danger", not risk, not mere possibility - transwomen face a very real danger merely by doing what is natural. The New York Times wrote,
“One time she came home crying saying, ‘Why, Monica, why won’t people accept me?’” Monica Zapata said. “All my sister wanted was somebody who would take her down the street and be proud of who she was.”As Kelly Costello, Director of Victim Services for the Colorado Anti-Violence Program, said -
"A lot of times transwomen, specifically transwomen of color are targeted for multiple reasons regarding various identities, transgender identity being one of them. A hate crime like this serves to intimidate and disrupt an entire community. No one should ever live their lives in fear and intimidation, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity."
Andrade's (Angie's killer defense)? "Transpanic", which Denver Gay Examiner describes as "using her gender identity in an attempt to justify his heinous, inexcusable actions." It was Angie's fault, in short. She scared him. Not his bigotry, ignorance or inhumane cruelty, but her; the 18 year old lass freaked him out. Defies belief.
For a full round up see Lisa.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Seriously - get on with it.
A lot of people have already blogged about this - links I've seen are here and check out the links Ren's found as well, she's got a more comprehensive list.
When I checked my emails on Friday night I had an email from Kyle Payne urging me to read his public statement and an email from Lynda Waddington pointing to an article she wrote for the Iowa Independent:
Kyle D. Payne, a 22-year-old Iowa blogger and self-proclaimed male feminist, would like more time to undergo counseling and gather letters of support before appearing in court, according to a motion filed by his attorney in Buena Vista County this morning.What timing.
I think it's reasonable of me to suspect that Kyle Payne works with rape survivors to provide himself with sexual imagery; I honestly can't imagine how else someone who has more understanding than a great many of the trauma of sexual assault could inflict it upon someone so vulnerable and trusting. If that's harsh and his "sudden impulse to expose her breast" was not a premeditated attack and truly was completely out of character, then my fucking God I'm not going to support someone so weak and self-indulgent that he cannot suppress such urges.
So let's have a look at this statement then, eh?
We rarely change when we are simply cruising along, insulated from the world. It is only when we drop the barriers that separate us from other human beings, admit that we don’t know all the answers, and listen closely to others and to the world around us that we can truly promote personal transformation.Yes, truly a tortured soul who has been awfully reflective of late.
I write this letter in the interest of dropping barriers, sharing openly and honestly a story that is very difficult to talk about, in hopes that doing so may bring peace, understanding, and hope to the lives of others. Well that's another thing you've misjudged.
I also write this letter out of respect for an international community of citizens working for social justice, one that has deeply inspired me to envision a better world and empowered me to work for change.You have harmed this movement. There are feminists who distrust men a great deal and who even hate them. You've reinforced that. There are men out there who are allies or who are trying very hard to be allies. You've made women question whether or not they are to be trusted.
... I also will describe what I am currently doing, and what I will continue to do, in an effort to promote justice and personal transformation.I really don't care a great deal. Just get on with it.
I wholeheartedly welcome your feedback and questions.Go see Ren, she's got a list of feedback for you.
Sorry sorry, humble, sincere regret, unresolved anger.... do you know, I honestly can't be bothered with the rest of the statement. Seriously mate, just fucking get on with it. I'm not interested in your "journey", the fact that you use your mental health traumas to shed light on your preditory instict / weakness or whatever this sudden impulse amounts to does not go down well with me. Unfortunately, a combination of being British and an absolute bastard means I just am not touched by the mental health excuse even vaguely. You've done the crime, now do the time. Words really aren't going to do shit for anyone, it's not as though you've just half-inched a bottle of milk of a doorstep, is it?
And as for "I am also setting aside my interest in employment in student affairs, particularly residence life", well shit, if you were over here you'd be smacked right down on The List. Don't know about over there, but I would have thought you'd be needing to set aside your interest for a good while.
There you go, a whole lot of nothing. An attempt to solicit letters of support, a self-indulgent act of self-justification or genuine shock at what he has done? God knows, but I would have thought the latter would have meant simply accepting what is to come without question, and furthermore I doubt he would have written,
In the days following my guilty plea, a pro-pornography blogger picked up the story, and having identified obvious discrepancies between the “public face” on my blog and my criminal actions, began an online smear campaign.Ah, the "Ren Ev has targetted me!" defense. Seen it many times, but this has taken it to a whole new level. I've not got time for that crap.
So then. Is that it? I hope this need to confess is sufficiently out of your system so you can get on with whatever it is you are told to get on with. That would be the very best way for you to show your regret and humility.
When I checked my emails on Friday night I had an email from Kyle Payne urging me to read his public statement and an email from Lynda Waddington pointing to an article she wrote for the Iowa Independent:
Kyle D. Payne, a 22-year-old Iowa blogger and self-proclaimed male feminist, would like more time to undergo counseling and gather letters of support before appearing in court, according to a motion filed by his attorney in Buena Vista County this morning.What timing.
I think it's reasonable of me to suspect that Kyle Payne works with rape survivors to provide himself with sexual imagery; I honestly can't imagine how else someone who has more understanding than a great many of the trauma of sexual assault could inflict it upon someone so vulnerable and trusting. If that's harsh and his "sudden impulse to expose her breast" was not a premeditated attack and truly was completely out of character, then my fucking God I'm not going to support someone so weak and self-indulgent that he cannot suppress such urges.
So let's have a look at this statement then, eh?
We rarely change when we are simply cruising along, insulated from the world. It is only when we drop the barriers that separate us from other human beings, admit that we don’t know all the answers, and listen closely to others and to the world around us that we can truly promote personal transformation.Yes, truly a tortured soul who has been awfully reflective of late.
I write this letter in the interest of dropping barriers, sharing openly and honestly a story that is very difficult to talk about, in hopes that doing so may bring peace, understanding, and hope to the lives of others. Well that's another thing you've misjudged.
I also write this letter out of respect for an international community of citizens working for social justice, one that has deeply inspired me to envision a better world and empowered me to work for change.You have harmed this movement. There are feminists who distrust men a great deal and who even hate them. You've reinforced that. There are men out there who are allies or who are trying very hard to be allies. You've made women question whether or not they are to be trusted.
... I also will describe what I am currently doing, and what I will continue to do, in an effort to promote justice and personal transformation.I really don't care a great deal. Just get on with it.
I wholeheartedly welcome your feedback and questions.Go see Ren, she's got a list of feedback for you.
Sorry sorry, humble, sincere regret, unresolved anger.... do you know, I honestly can't be bothered with the rest of the statement. Seriously mate, just fucking get on with it. I'm not interested in your "journey", the fact that you use your mental health traumas to shed light on your preditory instict / weakness or whatever this sudden impulse amounts to does not go down well with me. Unfortunately, a combination of being British and an absolute bastard means I just am not touched by the mental health excuse even vaguely. You've done the crime, now do the time. Words really aren't going to do shit for anyone, it's not as though you've just half-inched a bottle of milk of a doorstep, is it?
And as for "I am also setting aside my interest in employment in student affairs, particularly residence life", well shit, if you were over here you'd be smacked right down on The List. Don't know about over there, but I would have thought you'd be needing to set aside your interest for a good while.
There you go, a whole lot of nothing. An attempt to solicit letters of support, a self-indulgent act of self-justification or genuine shock at what he has done? God knows, but I would have thought the latter would have meant simply accepting what is to come without question, and furthermore I doubt he would have written,
In the days following my guilty plea, a pro-pornography blogger picked up the story, and having identified obvious discrepancies between the “public face” on my blog and my criminal actions, began an online smear campaign.Ah, the "Ren Ev has targetted me!" defense. Seen it many times, but this has taken it to a whole new level. I've not got time for that crap.
So then. Is that it? I hope this need to confess is sufficiently out of your system so you can get on with whatever it is you are told to get on with. That would be the very best way for you to show your regret and humility.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
A must-read
From Queen Emily, An open letter to cis feminists -
Stop fucking up.*
I have complained numerous times that the feminist blogosphere, such as it is, has one main conversation about trans people, one that is returned to again and again and again - the political implications of our transitioning. Click here if you want yet another example of pointless bloody "analysis."
Stop fucking up.*
I have complained numerous times that the feminist blogosphere, such as it is, has one main conversation about trans people, one that is returned to again and again and again - the political implications of our transitioning. Click here if you want yet another example of pointless bloody "analysis."
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Housekeeping
You may have noticed that my url has changed from un-cool.blogspot.com to www.un-cool.co.uk. This is all thanks to Match - I was very impulsive (surprise surprise) - I came online to quickly answer an email and ended up buying a domain. I hadn't got a clue what to do next and announced my stupidity on Twitter (I announce a lot of stupid things on Twitter, that's why it's private!) and Match came to my rescue and did pretty much everything for me. I'm very grateful to Match because he did it out of niceness and I'd never been in correspondence with before then. So thank you very much Match - that was very kind of you! :)
So - blogrolls etc. Well, if you click on a link to my blogspot address you should just be automatically referred to the new address, but it would be grand if you did update your blogrolls for my google rank! :)
If anyone's had any problems do let me know.
Updated - also - I put three Picasa web albums in the sidebar - one's just me and some of my friends (and my cat!), one is a collection of pics that have been used for 'Fit Bloke Friday' or similar posts and the final one is pics used or that will be used or that could have been used for 'Sexy Saturday' on Polyamorously Perverse (except he keeps using my Satuday slot so I keep missing it!).
So - blogrolls etc. Well, if you click on a link to my blogspot address you should just be automatically referred to the new address, but it would be grand if you did update your blogrolls for my google rank! :)
If anyone's had any problems do let me know.
Updated - also - I put three Picasa web albums in the sidebar - one's just me and some of my friends (and my cat!), one is a collection of pics that have been used for 'Fit Bloke Friday' or similar posts and the final one is pics used or that will be used or that could have been used for 'Sexy Saturday' on Polyamorously Perverse (except he keeps using my Satuday slot so I keep missing it!).
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Kyle Payne's public statement
I had an email yesterday evening from Kyle Payne pointing to a 'public statement' he has written (linked). I've linked this so those who will not have received the email have a chance to read the statement.
I mean to respond to fully in the next few days (hopefully tomorrow) to both his email and his public statement; I see Cara over at The Curvature has written her thoughts on the matter so for now do check out what she's written.
Edit to add - see also
Leave me a comment if you've written about his statement if you like and I'll link it in.
Ren's collecting a list of links for this, so check out her post and also let her know if you have blogged about it or you know someone who has, or else leave me a comment and I'll pass it along.
I mean to respond to fully in the next few days (hopefully tomorrow) to both his email and his public statement; I see Cara over at The Curvature has written her thoughts on the matter so for now do check out what she's written.
Edit to add - see also
Leave me a comment if you've written about his statement if you like and I'll link it in.
Ren's collecting a list of links for this, so check out her post and also let her know if you have blogged about it or you know someone who has, or else leave me a comment and I'll pass it along.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Oh, Witchy, what are we gonna do with you, eh?
Cartoongate's still going on. I missed the beginning of this; there's already been a great deal written about it now. Ren looked at it not once, not twice but three times. belle's had a look addressing the racism within the cartoon (with a comment thread I can only quickly scan right now) along with Trin, Bint also commented on the racism here and here, Sarah's responded to the general stereotypes, Debi's got quite a comment thread on her post, Anthony answered ND's question and in a separate post looked at the racism.... did I miss anyone? Let me know.
So the reaction to the reaction...? Well, Feminist Anonymist (shit, she's still going huh? Wow...) thinks "Ren Ev missed the point" apparently. Well, to be fair, I'm not sure what FA's on about, but, well, it makes a change from simply wondering what FA's on. She says,
All men regardless of their color can and do oppress women. None of them have an excuse.And that, fortunately or unfortunately depending on whether or not you want a laugh, is all she says. I'm guessing it's the cartoon she's writing about. And Heart? Well, at the time, Heart certainly endorsed the cartoon and her comment thread (in which she does a Maggie a couple of times, it's funny) suggests that one side have missed the point of the cartoon (dare I say maybe they're the ones who have missed the point?). And Witchy? Ah, Witchy.
Witchy loved Nine Deuce's post.
Try and answer the questions, why don’t you? you appreciate a challenge, after all - being the ‘big‘ “men” that you areshe said to Anthony et al. Problem is, as I said, Anthony did give it a go and our bear of very little brain wasn't quite able to go the step further and read the answer:
Woo look. A Kennerson’s responded
Unfortunately he’s done so at a venue I refuse to visit as opposed to the blog where the questions were actually asked so I’ll never get to read - or respond to - his pearls of wisdom.
Shame.
Maybe the long words bothered her? Or maybe she just likes asking the questions, I don't know (though, that said, she didn't actually ask the question, did she?). I remember when she needed me to explain a post to her (don't laugh, it was a tricky post, it's not her fault) she didn't seem terribly interested in hearing the answer.
So, what do you think of the picture, huh?
She's turned the lights up. Awesome. It's, um, paler. This sure puts the racism discussion to bed so we can get on with the real debate, doesn't it?
It's just.... well, right - you see how the men's skin colour gets darker the further away from the stage they are? See the guys at the front who are effectively lit by her spotlight? See how their skin is still considerably darker than her skin? See how brightening it was absolutely fucking pointless? See how the dancer's still whiter than white? See how she's the dumb blonde who just doesn't get it no matter how many fucking times she is told by the matriarchy? See how the men are portrayed as savages? See how yet again the radical feminists show themselves to be utterly clueless in understanding all clients of sex workers (and not just the scum who attack them)?
And do you see why Witchy brightened the picture? Cos I sure as hell don't. Turning up "the house lights" would have gotten rid of the shadows. Bleaching it, well, it did fuck all, didn't it, Witchy? You know it's just a drawing, right? Making it paler doesn't mean light is cast over it?
Explaining stuff to Witchy kind of reminds me of something...
Anyway, what does this post matter? Witchy's never gonna see it cos she's pure and Uncool is foul and she doesn't want to dirty her eyes, does she? She's got enough to deal with the geet big plank lodged in there.
Edited to add: Go Anthony!
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Friday Poetry Blogging - Dante
My Lady Carries Love Within Her Eyes, Dante Alighieri (1265-1321)
My lady carries love within her eyes;
All that she looks on is made pleasanter;
Upon her path men turn to gaze at her;
He whom she greeteth feels his heart to rise,
And droops his troubled visage, full of sighs,
And of his evil heart is then aware:
Hate loves, and pride becomes a worshiper.
O women, help to praise her in somewise.
Humbleness, and the hope that hopeth well,
By speech of hers into the mind are brought,
And who beholds is blessèd oftenwhiles,
The look she hath when she a little smiles
Cannot be said, nor holden in the thought;
'Tis such a new and gracious miracle.
My lady carries love within her eyes;
All that she looks on is made pleasanter;
Upon her path men turn to gaze at her;
He whom she greeteth feels his heart to rise,
And droops his troubled visage, full of sighs,
And of his evil heart is then aware:
Hate loves, and pride becomes a worshiper.
O women, help to praise her in somewise.
Humbleness, and the hope that hopeth well,
By speech of hers into the mind are brought,
And who beholds is blessèd oftenwhiles,
The look she hath when she a little smiles
Cannot be said, nor holden in the thought;
'Tis such a new and gracious miracle.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Fit Bloke Friday
Gary Dourdan (from Blogsworth)
Matthew Crompton (from Zena's Humdrum World)
The Rock (from skywardprodigal, thanks to belle for the link)
Slash (for bfp from The Gauntlet)
From Bitchy Jones's blog
Henry Cavill (this one's for Hilaire, found at Marion Cotesworth-Haye)
Jason Statham (from Statham Fan Gallery)
Brandon (from For The Girls, hat-tip to Vixen)
Edison Chen (from skywardprodigal)
Gerard Butler (from Provocateuse) for Lady Wrenna
Any requests for next week?
Matthew Crompton (from Zena's Humdrum World)
The Rock (from skywardprodigal, thanks to belle for the link)
Slash (for bfp from The Gauntlet)
From Bitchy Jones's blog
Henry Cavill (this one's for Hilaire, found at Marion Cotesworth-Haye)
Jason Statham (from Statham Fan Gallery)
Brandon (from For The Girls, hat-tip to Vixen)
Edison Chen (from skywardprodigal)
Gerard Butler (from Provocateuse) for Lady Wrenna
Any requests for next week?
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
del.icio.us links
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Well, ain't this cheerful?
(Can I just say, as a disclaimer - if you've been raped you might find all this slightly annoying.)
You know the sexual freedom and autonomy thing we're always banging on about? Well forget it, because ladies? We are fucked.
Check out this lil charmer from justicewalks - "All Men Are Rapists".
I do not consider the “consent” I gave while under patriarchal delusions to have been legitimate. I believe that the males who took advantage of my training have as much responsibility to ensure that a woman is not submitting out of culturally instilled obligation as they do to ensure that she isn’t drunk or otherwise unable to give meaningful consent. But I understand that males will never behave in a manner that reduces the pool of “willing” women.Damn...
See, I don't know how to get into this - sociologically or philosophically. I personally think either route credits this will a little bit more thought than it warrants, but perhaps that's unkind.
So, right, "training", "social ... coercion", conditioning...... Shit, forget about socialisation, we're talking social control here. Seriously - social control is basically artificial socialisation, it's entirely unnatural. "Coercion" - that's force. And here -
By the time I began “consenting” to intercourse, I had been thoroughly brainwashed, by the culture in general and by specific males in particular.And who is doing this brainwashing? Why, The Patriarchy, of course! Old white dudes in suits deciding your fate. And you, my love, are f.u.c.ked.
Now, like I said, I was tempted to go into this philosophically, and even, dare I say, with a lil theological twist? Uh huh - cos it reminds me a bit of Calvinism (The Patriarchy being God, obv) and soteriology - humans are entirely dependent upon God for salvation. We're predestined, basically. Christ, Calvinism is even more fatalistic than Hard Determinism - at least with hard determinism our choices for our future are dependent on our past and present, but still there is a little room for maneuver. This, though, well - "brainwashing" and all means any thoughts of autonomy can walk right out and not let the door smack it's fallacious fat ass.
Fucked up, yeah? Nah - not half as fucked up as it's about to get. Notice that women are the ones who have been brainwashed? Regardez -
This is what makes men rapists. They will use any pretense as sufficient proof of consent, when the truth is that consent is impossible under patriarchy.Men weasel their way out of this conditioning. If they didn't, if they were fucked as us lot, well, we'd be raping them too, wouldn't we? But no, there they are knowing full well that they're raping us cos it's not possible to really consent.
Does this smack of a conspiracy theory yet?
Let's take this bad boy home cos I ain't spending all day on this crap. From the top -
I do not consider the “consent” I gave while under patriarchal delusions to have been legitimate. I believe that the males who took advantage of my training have as much responsibility to ensure that a woman is not submitting out of culturally instilled obligation as they do to ensure that she isn’t drunk or otherwise unable to give meaningful consent. But I understand that males will never behave in a manner that reduces the pool of “willing” women.Correct. If -
1. We are utterly determined by those pulling our strings at the top. There's no getting out, mind - you agree to this and you can hoy out your Dworkin cos she ain't gonna help you. Agency? Fuck off back to Neverland, eh? Ain't no getting out of jail free under this. Just, well, there's far too much sociological, philosophical and theological arguments and evidence against this for me to buy it.
2. Only women are susceptible to this and their destiny is dependent upon compassionate (or otherwise) men. It's just that, y'know, being a feminist and all I like to retain a modicum of autonomy in all this, and I like to think I'm as socially aware as any male and that I make my decisions with not only the information available and my capacity to interpret and evaluate.
To conclude. "All men are rapists". Well no, not really. And you know what? This just isn't very helpful either.
The End.
Edited to add - see also Dw3t-Hthr - an absolute must.
You know the sexual freedom and autonomy thing we're always banging on about? Well forget it, because ladies? We are fucked.
Check out this lil charmer from justicewalks - "All Men Are Rapists".
I do not consider the “consent” I gave while under patriarchal delusions to have been legitimate. I believe that the males who took advantage of my training have as much responsibility to ensure that a woman is not submitting out of culturally instilled obligation as they do to ensure that she isn’t drunk or otherwise unable to give meaningful consent. But I understand that males will never behave in a manner that reduces the pool of “willing” women.Damn...
See, I don't know how to get into this - sociologically or philosophically. I personally think either route credits this will a little bit more thought than it warrants, but perhaps that's unkind.
So, right, "training", "social ... coercion", conditioning...... Shit, forget about socialisation, we're talking social control here. Seriously - social control is basically artificial socialisation, it's entirely unnatural. "Coercion" - that's force. And here -
By the time I began “consenting” to intercourse, I had been thoroughly brainwashed, by the culture in general and by specific males in particular.And who is doing this brainwashing? Why, The Patriarchy, of course! Old white dudes in suits deciding your fate. And you, my love, are f.u.c.ked.
Now, like I said, I was tempted to go into this philosophically, and even, dare I say, with a lil theological twist? Uh huh - cos it reminds me a bit of Calvinism (The Patriarchy being God, obv) and soteriology - humans are entirely dependent upon God for salvation. We're predestined, basically. Christ, Calvinism is even more fatalistic than Hard Determinism - at least with hard determinism our choices for our future are dependent on our past and present, but still there is a little room for maneuver. This, though, well - "brainwashing" and all means any thoughts of autonomy can walk right out and not let the door smack it's fallacious fat ass.
Fucked up, yeah? Nah - not half as fucked up as it's about to get. Notice that women are the ones who have been brainwashed? Regardez -
This is what makes men rapists. They will use any pretense as sufficient proof of consent, when the truth is that consent is impossible under patriarchy.Men weasel their way out of this conditioning. If they didn't, if they were fucked as us lot, well, we'd be raping them too, wouldn't we? But no, there they are knowing full well that they're raping us cos it's not possible to really consent.
Does this smack of a conspiracy theory yet?
Let's take this bad boy home cos I ain't spending all day on this crap. From the top -
I do not consider the “consent” I gave while under patriarchal delusions to have been legitimate. I believe that the males who took advantage of my training have as much responsibility to ensure that a woman is not submitting out of culturally instilled obligation as they do to ensure that she isn’t drunk or otherwise unable to give meaningful consent. But I understand that males will never behave in a manner that reduces the pool of “willing” women.Correct. If -
1. We are utterly determined by those pulling our strings at the top. There's no getting out, mind - you agree to this and you can hoy out your Dworkin cos she ain't gonna help you. Agency? Fuck off back to Neverland, eh? Ain't no getting out of jail free under this. Just, well, there's far too much sociological, philosophical and theological arguments and evidence against this for me to buy it.
2. Only women are susceptible to this and their destiny is dependent upon compassionate (or otherwise) men. It's just that, y'know, being a feminist and all I like to retain a modicum of autonomy in all this, and I like to think I'm as socially aware as any male and that I make my decisions with not only the information available and my capacity to interpret and evaluate.
To conclude. "All men are rapists". Well no, not really. And you know what? This just isn't very helpful either.
The End.
Edited to add - see also Dw3t-Hthr - an absolute must.
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
del.icio.us links
- Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » What sex-positivity is not
"Because it’s not about whether you personally like sex. It’s about so much more than that. And the traditional patriarchal construct of how male and female heteronormative sexuality is played out is NOT sex-positive."
to sex_positive feminism - The Pervocracy: A little kink is okay!
"Of course, like all people who dare to have a sexuality, I'm a 5'10" 110-pound blonde with D-cups and legs upta here, but they also nailed the way I dress. When I'm feeling sexy, I always put on $300 worth of awkward Catwoman costume. It gets me wet."
to kink - Gremlin resipee: « Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger? to funny
- Goodbye my dearest love - heartbreaking last letters from those facing death to loved ones | Mail Online
"Dear Mum and Dad. If you are reading this, then you will know I won't be coming home."
to military cancer - Tips For Keeping Your Identity Private to sexwork blog
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
61% Dude
As seen at Pop Feminist's - Using your browser url history to estimate gender.
Not only do I write like a dude, now I surf the web like a dude too...
Not only do I write like a dude, now I surf the web like a dude too...
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Very very cool
Ah, this is very awesome! Thanks to Khora for this! You may have noticed lack of blogging - horrendous writer's block, hopefully this will kick some posts out of me.
Thanks to Khora again. And the rules...
1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs. (I'm going with 10)
4. Add links to these blogs on your blog.
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.In no particular order -
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
del.icio.us links
- Waking Vixen » Blog Archive » It’s My Blogoversary: Four Years!
Today marks the fourth anniversary of Waking Vixen.
to blog - Dogma « ♀ Shut Up, Sit Down ♀
It is a shame then, to find oneself being excommunicated.
to feminism dogma - So...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe that in any radical feminist texts, or speeches, or anything, it is stated that we must only deal with our own kind, we must not speak to women who have opposing views to us, and if any of us do then we must be
to feminism dogma - The English Courtesan On Max Mosley...Or Your Right To See An Escort In Privacy... to max_mosley
- WHY Haven't I Thought of THIS Before???
"Kim: It is, Tim. It surely the fuck is!"
to funny
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
My friends wanted to please the patriarchy too
I've just popped some new pics in the "About Me" bit of my mates Jenna and Lou. Jen's a big patriarchy pleaser, bless her, so her boobs (which make mine pale in comparisson) are up there too. The hussy!
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
Friday Poetry Blogging on Saturday
Last minute arrangements mean I'm rushing madly, so will put up poem and del.icio.us links and that shall have to be it. Tomorrow I'll be posting properly on the "all men are rapists" thing (le sigh) and sexy people over at PP as promised. I'll also be looking at these utterly fucked shit heads - see bfp for now. There's going to be a lot of people writing about this, so keep your eyes out.
For now, enjoy the poem and the heat (if you can!).
She Walks in Beauty, Lord Byron
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
For now, enjoy the poem and the heat (if you can!).
She Walks in Beauty, Lord Byron
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
del.icio.us links
- Cool People, Damn Cool City to desiree_alliance
- Special Report: Regulating U.K. Web Erotica - XBIZ.com
via Audacia Ray "The London-based Demolition Red voiced similar concerns, saying that the "extreme porn" law will most likely pass, and that in the near future, "Britain will have the most Draconian anti-porn legislation of any modern western democracy.
to for:amberlrhea UKPornLaw - Image of the Day: 25 July 2008
"More than 30 territorial Army medics arrived back at their TA centre in Cardiff after a four month tour of Afghanistan"
to military - EXCUSE ME
Mon Dieu!
to funny
Categories: Sex Worker Blogs
